The Winner’s Edge — How to Have Charisma

We've all seen people who light up a room when they enter it. They draw others to them and at the same time make them feel more alive and energized.

These people have charisma.

"Charisma is a magic quality nobody understands completely. It magnetizes people and makes everybody feel stronger, more powerful, more beautiful and more successful. It's a kind of magic that pulls people in," says psychologist Dr. Doe Lang, author of "The New Secrets of Charisma: How to Discover and Unleash Your Hidden Powers."

One of the most intriguing aspects of charisma is that we all have it. "It's part of our birthright," Lang says. "Many people don't know they have it and can barely imagine having it."

The good news is you can develop your own charisma. "All of us have a secret garden of the heart, which is charisma. "We have it when we resonate with love as an energy and a talent. This is our own best self," Lang says.

We can generate charisma when we make a difference in other people's lives. "To have real charisma is to connect with other people. In order to become more charismatic, first cultivate self-acceptance and then compassion for others, Lang advises. "Have gratitude for what you have and for what you can do for others," she says. It gives you a grater sense of authenticity. If you can truly embrace that and give your gift to other people, nothing can stop your radiance. People will want to be with you and need you."

Another component of charisma is confidence. One way to increase confidence is to find out what you are really passionate about and do it. "A lot of people only think of what they should do and never ask what will give me a big charge?' Follow your bliss and you bring other people with you," Lang says.

Composure is another component of charisma. All too often though, our hectic lives create too much stress, which kills charisma. "When you are stressed, you are so busy monitoring your own lack of composure you can't tell what other people are feeling," Lang says.

A great way to become calmer is to slow your breathing. If you are breathing more than 18 times a minute you are under stress. Also, you are breathing from the top of your lungs, which does not release stress hormones, according to Lang. When you slow you your breathing to seven times or less, the pineal gland in the brain becomes more active.

"You become more creative and instinctively know what do in a situation. You instinctively know what other people are feeling," Lang says. Another stress reducing technique is what Lang calls the Emotion Cooler.

To do this technique, put your thumb on your right nostril. Exhale a long, slow breath. Imagine that you are exhaling a black cloud of negativity. As you inhale, imagine a golden globe of light around you. Slowly inhale that light through your left nostril. This technique accesses the right side of the brain, which the region of creativity and holistic thinking.

"If you do this 26 times, it will give you a sense of control and puts you into an optimal state," Lang says.

Another key component of charisma is to become aware of your own value. When you truly value yourself, others will value you. "Very often, in this competitive society, people get stuck in comparisons. They are not as rich, as bright or as pretty as someone else. They lose sight of their uniqueness. They feel envious, resentful," Lang says. "It is very important to recognize that each of us has our own path and can produce our own destiny."

So follow your own path. Honor yourself and others, and you will have charisma.

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